Yesterday, as I was chatting with one of my coworkers, she randomly said “So you know Mike has a huge crush on you, right?”
Um………………….WHAT???? OK, Let’s recap:
- For the past year, I’ve been mildly scared of Mike, and moderately sure he didn’t like me. Mike is a motorcycle-riding, head shaving, heavily-tattooed, “Sorry I can’t come in to work today, I’m in jail” bad-ass. He is NOT the puppy love/crush type.
- I work in an office with at least 3 absolutely gorgeous women. Women with 5% body fat, women with no husband or kids, women with expertly applied makeup and impeccably highlighted hair who exclusively wear the latest trends (and wear them well). In contrast, I once got all the way to work before I realized I’d left my shoes at home. If anyone in the office is going to be the object of a coworker’s crush, I’d think I’m pretty far down on that list.
Now to be fair, my coworker added “Oh it’s all totally innocent, he just thinks you’re really pretty. Whenever he sees you he just sighs and says your name.” (Again: Seriously?? Is there more than one Mike??). He’s also not quite as tough as he seems… although he is pretty damn rough around the edges. Sure, he was in jail for a barfight, but he was supposedly helping out a friend who was getting beaten up pretty badly. Not condoning violence, just giving some back-story on the whole “jail” thing. It’s not like he was running a meth lab or anything.
It also cracks me up that he seems to be some sort of Hell’s Angels/Rachael Ray hybrid.
Me: Ooooo… is that your breakfast?
Mike: Yeah. It’s an organic spinach and goat cheese frittata.
And later that week, as he walks down the hall with his lunch (we have lunch catered in every day): “I hope they didn’t fuck up the roux this time. They always fuck up the roux!“
I also have a tendancy to take pictures of random things at the grocery store and post them to Facebook with the caption “what the hell is this??” He usually not only knows the answer, but can suggest a couple of delicious recipes with which to prepare the random food item.
Except this. This one remains a mystery. It looks like a squash doing it's impression of that scene from Alien.
More than anything, I don’t think I’ve considered myself crush-worthy in YEARS. First getting married, then gaining weight, then having a baby, then gaining more weight, then having said baby cut my morning “getting ready” time in half… I think that’s the real reason I was so shocked. Which is sad, really. I didn’t realize how far my self esteem had fallen. There was certainly a time when I assumed that basically everyone (men, women, whatever) secretly wanted to marry and/or have sex with me. I used to think I was THE SHIT.
So, in closing: Thanks Mike, for reminding me I’m not the total ogre I sometimes think myself to be. Also a big thanks to Weight Watchers – I’ve now lost 10 lbs which is over 5% of my original starting body weight!