I fancy myself an intrepid, if boozy, anthropologist.

Yesterday, as I was chatting with one of my coworkers, she randomly said “So you know Mike has a huge crush on you, right? 

Um………………….WHAT????  OK, Let’s recap:

  • For the past year, I’ve been mildly scared of Mike, and moderately sure he didn’t like me.  Mike is a motorcycle-riding, head shaving, heavily-tattooed, “Sorry I can’t come in to work today, I’m in jail” bad-ass.  He is NOT the puppy love/crush type.
  • I work in an office with at least 3 absolutely gorgeous women.  Women with 5% body fat, women with no husband or kids, women with expertly applied makeup and  impeccably highlighted hair who exclusively wear the latest trends (and wear them well).  In contrast, I once got all the way to work before I realized I’d left my shoes at home.  If anyone in the office is going to be the object of a coworker’s crush, I’d think I’m pretty far down on that list.
Now to be fair, my coworker added “Oh it’s all totally innocent, he just thinks you’re really pretty.  Whenever he sees you he just sighs and says your name.”  (Again:  Seriously??  Is there more than one Mike??).  He’s also not quite as tough as he seems… although he is pretty damn rough around the edges.  Sure, he was in jail for a barfight, but he was supposedly helping out a friend who was getting beaten up pretty badly.  Not condoning violence, just giving some back-story on the whole “jail” thing.  It’s not like he was running a meth lab or anything.
It also cracks me up that he seems to be some sort of Hell’s Angels/Rachael Ray hybrid.
Me:  Ooooo… is that your breakfast?
Mike:  Yeah.  It’s an organic spinach and goat cheese frittata.
And later that week, as he walks down the hall with his lunch (we have lunch catered in every day):  “I hope they didn’t fuck up the roux this time.  They always fuck up the roux!
I also have a tendancy to take pictures of random things at the grocery store and post them to Facebook with the caption “what the hell is this??”  He usually not only knows the answer, but can suggest a couple of delicious recipes with which to prepare the random food item.

Except this. This one remains a mystery. It looks like a squash doing it's impression of that scene from Alien.

More than anything, I don’t think I’ve considered myself crush-worthy in YEARS.  First getting married, then gaining weight, then having a baby, then gaining more weight, then having said baby cut my morning “getting ready” time in half… I think that’s the real reason I was so shocked.  Which is sad, really.  I didn’t realize how far my self esteem had fallen.   There was certainly a time when I assumed that basically everyone (men, women, whatever) secretly wanted to marry and/or have sex with me.  I used to think I was THE SHIT.
So, in closing:  Thanks Mike, for reminding me I’m not the total ogre I sometimes think myself to be. Also a big thanks to Weight Watchers – I’ve now lost 10 lbs which is over 5% of my original starting body weight!
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Comments on: "Shocking News, Even More Shocking Realization." (5)

  1. *sigh* …Sarah… ; )
    You’re a dork. Must I remind you again that when I met you, I thought you were too pretty to be my friend? You were already married then, and my image of you hasn’t changed a smidge since you had a Baby Dinosaur. Believe me, everyone is STILL in love with you, and everyone (men, women, whatever) still want to have sex with you. Fortunately your husband is tall and scary and looks like he’s always ready for a smackdown, so that must be why you don’t receive quite the attention you should expect. : )

    On the subject of Weight Loss… GO YOU! You are totally rockin’ it and I’m SO excited for you!!! Are you still finding tasty things to eat? Let me know if you need anything!

    .

    …Wait wait. I lied. My image of you HAS changed a smidge, but ONLY a smidge. Yesterday, when i learned that you don’t use paper towels to open bathroom doors or your foot to flush the toilet, I must admit that my perfect image of you became slightly tarnished… I’m now 99% sure that you sit directly on the toilet seat, as well. *shiver, gag*

    Still love you though! ; )

    • Next time I see you I’m going to lick the bathroom door handle just to prove a point 😉

      And out of all that, the thing that cracked me up the most is that you think David is big and scary looking! With his big goofy smile and floppy-curly hair, I can’t imagine him EVERY being intimidating in spite of his substantial height! And thank you for the compliments 🙂

      I’m still finding lots of yummy stuff on weight watchers and making lots of my own recipes! Loving it!!!

  2. Did you forget the 80s? If anything it proved that every bad boy has a soft side.

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